Run.
Jasmine wants
Sunday, October 21, 2007
I do not know how I got so emotional again. I guess my numbness is wearing off... Is it me who is in need of some love and care? Maybe it's just getting to me. I need to shake it off. It's clear that I'm not moving on and the reason why I have been so busy is so that I can numb myself and distract myself from it. I guess I have also been so tired I seem to have "forgotten" all about it and therefore it appeared as though I was moving on. Well, who was I kidding? It only took one flashback to get me all emotional again, to get me losing my appetite. At first I wondered why I did not feel like eating anymore, I thought I was just full, but now I know why... I cannot deny that he is not affecting my life any longer, it's as if my heart is finally telling me to face up to it, to confront it. My mind is filled with so many thoughts of it, it's all filled up with him; damn.Much as I'd like to deny that, I can't. Not anymore anyway. A few days ago, I thought I had let go, since I did not seem to be thinking about it anymore, but the very moment I got a quiet moment to think about it, wham! It hit me, with full-force and I know instantly that I could not, I just cannot avoid it any longer, it's pretty much taking over. Much as I'd like to stop myself from sinking any deeper, from digging my own grave, I cannot. My heart is clearly not heeding the wise advice from my head, I guess this is what they call dilemma.
My heart has taken over and my brain can no longer protect it from the hurt it will get, sooner or later. I just wish it would soon be over, but I know it will not. So for now, I hope I can continue numbing...
I know I miss you; my heart longs for you.
I'd hate to think of you,
but your image flashes by all the time
I guess I'm coming down with something,
is that the love bug I see?
My subconscious looks out for you,
and I guess it gets disappointed when it doesn't see you there.
is that why I feel lost sometimes?
for no rhyme or reason
You've taken over
And I can't hide it any longer
What have you done to me?
It's causing me pain
It's affecting my vision, my mind, my heart, my soul
I'd love to remove these chains
But it's self-inflicted
I need time,
I need to face up to this
I need to stop falling
I need to recognise
I need to move on
I need to get back to my life
I need a lot of things
I need emotional support
someone get me on life support
someone distract me
someone get me busy
someone get me tired
someone get me dancing
someone get me doing anything
damn, I hate this, look what you've done.